The Gross-Out Story Hour – Puke
Welcome to the Gross-Out Story Hour. This hour our topic is Puke. Vomit. Throw-Up. Tossed Cookies. Barf. Upchuck. Spew. You get the idea.
I find it interesting that when you tell someone a puke story they almost always have one to tell you back. I’d guess everyone has had some experience with puke; either their own or someone else’s.
I had an up-close and personal experience with puke just yesterday and was telling a friend about it. She kindly shared her story with me and I’ll share it with you. The more the merrier, right? Anyway, my friend was trying to get her young daughter to giggle and the girl ended up puking into my friend’s open mouth. I’m so grossed out just writing that! Next thing you know, my friend was puking too. I sure can’t blame her.
Teacher has been puked on by each of our children in church. One Sunday College Boy said “I don’t feel good.” I was in the midst of saying “If you think you’re going to throw up, go to the bathroom” when he tossed his cookies all over the floor, and Teacher’s legs. Two-year-old Princess lost her breakfast on Easter morning, all down the front of Teacher in his new shirt and tie. Ah yes, the good old days.
Up to know I’ve managed to avoid being puked on until yesterday’s incident ruined my lucky streak. We’d just finished lunch and the kids were bringing their dishes to the counter on their way through the kitchen to the bathroom. One of my little girls hadn’t eaten much but I didn’t think anything of it since she can be a picky eater. Plus she’d had seconds at breakfast. During lunch I’d asked her if she was going to eat and she told me “My tummy says I’m not hungry”. No big deal; if she’s not hungry she’s just not hungry. Or so I thought…
I was rinsing dishes while the children went in and out of the bathroom behind me, washing their hands and going potty. I turned to grab more dishes and saw her standing perfectly still next to the counter. For a moment I stared at her, wondering why she was just standing there. I opened my mouth to ask, but then I saw the puke in her hands and down the front of her sweater. “Oh, honey…” I said, then as I started walking toward her she opened her mouth and projectile vomited right at me. Luckily most of it landed on the floor between us, but my shoes and jeans caught the rest. After that deluge I assumed she was done so I grabbed the paper towels to start cleaning up. But she wasn’t done yet; she spewed again and again as I dashed for a bowl. The poor girl didn’t stop until I was sure she’d brought up everything she’d ever eaten in her entire life. Finally she stopped and stood looking at me, brown eyes huge in her pale face. “I don’t feel good” she said, the poor honey.
I managed to get her cleaned up, call her parents, change diapers and tuck the other children into bed. I’ll spare you the details of cleaning up; suffice it to say that it took half a roll of paper towels, several plastic grocery bags, soapy water and a rag, disinfecting spray, and over half an hour before the floor and carpet showed no signs of puke.
Once all was calm again I returned to my lunch. I’d only had time to eat half of it before the puke started flowing, and I was still hungry. Unfortunately for my ten pounds of leftover baby weight, cleaning up a puke pond didn’t curb my appetite one bit. I kinda wish it had.
I told you mine, now you tell my yours and we can all be grossed out together – the more the merrier, right?
8 Responses to “The Gross-Out Story Hour – Puke”
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On January 23rd, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Pat Geary said:
Boy, did this bring back memories. When my two boys were little – they are both in their forties – we took them out for breakfast one weekend. It must have been a special occasion as the restaurant was crowded. We were seated and ordered eggs and who knows what else. We were served and proceeded to eat. Most restaurants do not serve eggs scrambled dry even when requested so they were “moist”. We ate and as I looked over at the kids, I noticed a funny look on their faces. First one let loose. Puke everywhere, on the table, on the floor and on the kid. I got up to take #1 to the bathroom when #2 let loose with his breakfast all over everything again. We each grabbed a kid and headed for the bathrooms while the poor waiter gulped and the people around us did who knows what. We stripped the kids, gathered our belongings and headed home. We were not charged for breakfast. By later in the day both boys were busy playing and none the worse. It was quite a while before we went back to THAT restaurant again. It has been years since I thought of this. Love your blog even though my kids are no longer “little tykes.”
On January 24th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Amy Sue said:
Oh Pat, in a restaurant?! Yikes! So far we’ve avoided that… knock on wood!
~Amy Sue
On January 27th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
Stacy said:
oh, you are soooo right. One gross story prompts another one. (Thanks for making me laugh.)
here’s one a friend told me:
She was on a bus on a long trip. There was a bald guy asleep across the aisle from her, and a woman leaning on the top edge of his seat, resting her chin on her folded arms.
My friend heard this burbly-gurgling sound and then a retch. When she looked over, she saw the bald guy sleepily touching his head–the woman had thrown up all over his head.
*giggling*
omg, what a way to wake up.
On January 27th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Amy Sue said:
Oh yuck, that is too gross!
Thank you for sharing… I think…
~Amy Sue
On May 30th, 2009 at 9:57 am
topaze said:
Ok so once when i was baby sitting my friends little girl she said she didnt feel well and then it happened no sooner did i ask her if it was her tummy that was hurting that WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSh she opened her mouth to answer and out came a pinckish purple colored pukeit was so gross and to make it worse i was pregnant with my frst baby who is now 3 1/2 years old so i get her cleaned up then i put her in the play pin go to the bathroom and puke my guts out that might have been the worst day of my life
On May 30th, 2009 at 10:12 am
tara said:
so my daughter is 22 and is 4 months pregnant and still has morning sickenss and geyts motion sick really badly, i was driving aruond town with her ( we were going to macys for baby clothes and more materninty clothes) and she is like “mom” “what” “I think i mght be sick” “UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUm…… ok, there is a plastic bag in the side pocat” she goes reaching for the bag and then i here sdbvhdsjdnsjhdsgdfakdlksdjsjfehdhfgdhs and then “sorry mom” “it is ok you could not help it” and then again i here a dgfgghjkjhdgdgfhghfgjhjfhfgfdgfhgghghjfgdfggfg fghsfgfhgfghgjhjghjkghghfdhfhfghjgdhf “sorry mom” “really baby it is ok, just get out tha plastic bag and if you still feel sick throw up in that” “ok” this time she gets the plastic bag and then throws up 8 more times, istead of going shopping i tahe her home then she lays on the coutch bucket at the ready and throws up 9 more times after that. poor thing
On May 30th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
kinze said:
i am 2 months pregnant and constantky fill like i might puke and i do like last week i was in walmart and started to feel sick so i head to the bathroom and it is being cleaned and then i cough and cough and cough then ghjhgfghjkjhgfghjgfgfdfhjjuhhghgghhjjhggfgftgf all over the f***** floor and the woman next to me gaged and puked witch made me puuuuuuuuuuke (i have an extremly weeak weeak stomach like if i even hear/see/smell somone puke i lose it) holly frecken crap it was terrible
On November 21st, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Lily said:
When i was 14, I felt ill in class. I went up to the teacher and told him, but, even though he was really nice (and cute), he said i could wait until lunch to go and see the nurse (it was the lesson before lunch)
so, i go and sit down again, and keep my mouth firmly closed for the rest of the lesson, attempting to concentrate on my work.
At the end of the lesson, he used to get us to line up at the door, waiting to go, and he’d kind of chat or whatever with us. So, somehow i end up at the front, still not opening my mouth.
So, the teacher is about to let us go, when he looks down at me, and, for some reason, asks – “Lily, are you feeling alright?”
I open my mouth to answer, and suddenly get this pain in my stomach.
Next thing i know, i vomit all over my teacher’s shoes and trousers.
It’s been four years, and i’m still embarrassed :S
he was really nice, though. he was actually like – “Oh, god, I’m sorry, I should have let you go to the nurse.”
Funnily enough, after that, he always let people go to the nurse if they even had a headache