Some things are better done with a good-sized margarita flowing through your system.

Helping get your mother change your grandmother’s Depends is one of those things.

Shortly after her diagnosis Grandma became bed-ridden and was moved from her second-story bedroom to a hospital bed in the sunroom. My aunt came and helped out, but toward the end of the week my mom sent her home. Aside from changing Grandma’s bedding and such, there wasn’t much to do except sit in the sunroom watching TV. And since Grandma liked to sit in the sunroom watching you watch TV, it was a bit uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, with Aunt Betty gone there was no-one to help Mom change Grandma’s unders. Grandma wasn’t completely “with it” but was aware enough that my dad couldn’t help. Mom asked me to help until Aunt Betty returned on Sunday. Of course I agreed, but I wasn’t looking forward to it. In fact, I can probably think of a thousand things I’d rather do than confront my grandma’s nether regions.

For Date Night that week Teacher took me to Antijitos Mexicanos, my favorite Mexican restaurant and we each had a large margarita. Yes, at one time I did name Solea as my fave, but that was before Antijitos started serving margaritas. Solea is a close second, but lost out to Antijitos’ atmosphere and chili-powder infused margarita salt. Yum!

After we got home and put the boys to bed I went over to help Mom. As I walked down our driveway I wondered if it was appropriate to be slightly margarita-happy when I put my grandma to bed. I decided that it could only be better for everyone if I was more relaxed. Besides, judging by the stories my mom tells, my grandma wouldn’t complain; she knew how to kick back and enjoy herself when she was younger.

When I got there Grandma was slightly agitated. She put her hand down by her hip and felt around, “It’s a little wet down there.” Mom told me that Grandma couldn’t feel that she was wet except with her hands. “That’s OK, Grandma.” I reassured her. “We’ll get you dry and comfy and ready for bed.” Mom peeked under the covers to survey the situation; the unders had leaked both up and down, so we had to change everything from sheets to nightie to bed jacket.

Grandma was stiff and not able to help much but she did what she could. First we helped her roll toward me. She grabbed the bed rails and I supported her while Mom pushed the wet stuff towards the middle of the bed and put dry stuff on her side of the bed. Then we helped Grandma roll the other way where Mom supported her while I removed the wet items and pulled the dry ones over to my side of the bed. Each time we moved Grandma she tensed and pressed her lips together tightly. It broke my heart to know we were causing her even the slightest pain, but I knew she’d be more comfortable in the long run. Grandma was incredibly patient with our my fumbling and didn’t complain one bit.

Next we helped her sit up so we could get her into a dry nightie and bed jacket. At one point Grandma looked up at Mom and said ‘Well now, who will do this for me when you’re gone?” Startled, neither of us said anything at first, then Mom said “Where would I go? I’ll be here; don’t worry.” and I said “I’ll do it if she’s not here, Grandma. Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of you.”

When she was all settled for the night I gave her a goodnight hug and she thanked me for my help. Her hug felt the same as it had my whole life – I guess Grandma hugs never change. I kissed her gently on the forehead and wished her sweet dreams.

On the short walk home I thought about how wrong I’d been. Helping get my grandma ready for bed wasn’t the scary ordeal I’d dreaded; it was an honor and a privilege. I remembered the times she’d taken care of me when I was ill, and the countless times she’d tucked me into bed and given me a goodnight kiss on the forehead.

I’m thankful I was able to do the same for her.

More to come…

Some things are really hard to talk about, and almost impossible to put down in black and white.

This is one of those things.

Teacher and I were about to leave the house for our usual Friday Date Night when the phone rang; “Für Elise,” my parent’s custom tone. Eager to get our night together started, I thought about not answering, but did anyway. On the other end of the line my mother’s voice was thick with tears as she said, “Your grandma is very ill.”

I knew Grandma was sick; she was 92 and had been steadily declining since Christmas, when she moved from her apartment into my parents’ house. I also knew that Mom and Dad had taken Grandma to the ER the previous night, and to her family physician that morning.

But I didn’t realize how serious it was until I heard my mom cry.

You have to understand something about my mom – she’s not a crier. Some women carry their emotions just under the surface and cry at the least little thing. That’s not my mom; it takes a LOT to make her cry. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen her cry in my lifetime.

When I heard the tears in her voice I realized just how serious Grandma’s condition was.

I leaned my hip against the kitchen table and took a deep breath, reaching deep inside myself for the calm strength my mom needed. She went on to explain the details, her voice breaking regularly: Grandma had Deep Vein Thrombosis – a blood clot in her leg – that ran from her foot to her hip. These are very dangerous because a piece could break off, travel through your veins, and kill you instantly. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the breast cancer she had defeated several years ago had reappeared in her hip.

Of course there are treatment options for both, but knowing my grandma’s wishes my mom and aunt decided to opt for comfort measures instead of treatment. Grandma didn’t have dementia and knew what was going on most of the time, but her cognitive function had deteriorated enough that she couldn’t make such a serious decision. She had written out her wishes a couple of years ago, and my mom and aunt’s decision was completely in keeping with her wishes – mom even read the document again to double-check. I pray to God that I will never be faced with such a difficult decision, but if I am I also pray for the strength and bravery needed to do the right thing, no matter how hard it is.

I asked Mom if we should come over, but she said that Grandma didn’t fully comprehend the situation and they didn’t want to upset her unnecessarily with people suddenly hovering around for no apparent reason. She told us to keep our regular routine and have fun on our date night.

As I hung up I thought I was OK, but as I started to give last-minute instructions to the kids I realized I was going to lose it. I didn’t want to tell them until I’d spoken with Teacher so I couldn’t break down in front of them. I cut my normal spiel short, and called “‘Bye, be good!” over my shoulder as I escaped out the door. With tears streaming down my face I stumbled down the driveway to wait in the car, hoping Teacher had covered my abrupt departure.

Of course he had. He’d been watching me throughout the conversation, had figured out that it was bad news about my grandma, and knew I wouldn’t last long after I got off the phone. He knows me so very well. When he got to the car he put his arms around me and just held me as I cried.

To be continued…

Winterfest is the annual fundraiser for my high school alma mater’s music program. My dad was actually instrumental in starting Winterfest while I was a student there, waaaaay back in the 1980s. Yes, I had reeeeeaallly big hair. I’d post photos if I knew where any of them were. Luckily for us all, I don’t.

I’ve always enjoyed all the Winterfest activities, but over the past few years my favorite thing has been to watch former middle school band students play. Since I’ve been teaching Saturday morning band for the past eight years I’ve either taught or worked with most of the kids currently in high school band. I’m always amazed by how much they’ve grown and matured, both as musicians and just in general, and hope that something I did or said contributed to their love of music.

Most of the time Winterfest sticks close to our German Lutheran roots with stereotypical German decorations, music by German composers, German-American food, root beer tent, and polka band to end the day. However this year the theme was Winter Fiesta, so the decorations, music, and food was Mexicanish and a mariachi band replaced the traditional polka band.

When we arrived the Jazz Band was already entertaining the lunch crowd in the commons.

Mr. N, the director, playing a trombone in a tux is loved by the kids, but more importantly, is a great teacher who won’t allow his students to give less than their best. The rest of the band, except three or four kids, are past students of mine.

One highlight of the day was the Symphonic Band’s percussion section. I’ve got a soft spot for percussionists, either because both College Boy and Jo-Bear are percussionists, or because I totally get their ADD, so I’m totally mesmerized whenever there’s something special going on with percussion.

By the time Symphonic Band was done the boys were getting antsy so we took them to the small gym for the children’s activities.

They did some crafts…

Petted the BIGGEST rabbit I’ve seen in my entire life…

Little Guy was nervous at first, but he gave the bunny a quick pat.

Played on the slide…

Peanut loved sliding but wasn’t sure about the unfamiliar man who kept catching her on the way down.

And played games.

New this year: Pin the Tail on the Burro.

I think Z-Man is cheating a bit, but since there’s no prizes it really doesn’t matter.

Angel Face was in both Concert Band and Concert Choir. We sat half-way back in the auditorium and so I used my point-and-shoot camera’s zoom to take a photo. It’s not the greatest, but it’s better than the ones I got of her in band; at least here you can tell it’s her!

Time to head home…

It was a very long, very fun, very busy day.

I can’t wait until Winterfest next year!

I love my future sister-in-law, Dee.

She’s kind and patient and cheerful and lots of fun to be around.

She wants to marry my brother, which is really cool because he’s a great guy.

She also has this adorable obsession with cupcakes. Remember these cuties?

I don’t know if she was born with this infatuation or if she developed it after too many years hanging out with my family but I think it’s really sweet no pun intended and am amazed by the time and effort she puts into her cupcakes.

These are her most recent creations – aren’t they adorable?

Did you notice she used sugar to make the snowmen sparkly? You know how I love sparkles!

Did you also notice that she put different faces on all of the snowmen? In addition to the traditional smiling snowmen she made…

surprised snowmen…

ummmm… unique snowmen…

Pssst, I don’t know what face he’s supposed to be making – what do you think?

and poor, sad snowmen.

In a completely altruistic move I ate one of them to put him out of his misery. Then his brother looked even sadder, so I ate him too.

Sometimes you have to sacrifice yourself for the greater good. I truly believe this was one of those times.

She also made some absolutely adorable polar bears; they were so cuddly I couldn’t bear – again, no pun intended – to eat one.

Did you see the little pads on their paws? Have you ever seen anything cuter?

What I really wanted to do was keep one to love and pet and call George.

But Angel Face claimed it first.

I couldn’t watch her eat it so I turned away and ate another sad snowman.

Unselfish to a fault.

I wonder what kind of cupcakes Dee will bring to our next family party! Whatever they look like, I hope they taste like chocolate.

This is me, according to Little Guy.

I blame Irish Girl; she’s the one who brought this cookbook into our house.

Little Guy is obsessed with this cookbook. I don’t know if Irish Girl meant to leave it with us, or if Little Guy hid it so she couldn’t take it home with her. I suspect it’s the latter.

He’ll spend forever aka about an hour, which is like forever when you’re four paging through the cookbook and pointing out recipes he wants me to make for dinner.

Silly boy, he forgets that Teacher’s the cook in this family.

He especially likes the Funny Food Faces page.

On the day he made me in food he actually started out making Bert. He put his hot dog bun horizontally across the top of his plate, then put the hot dog vertically down the center. The oranges he set aside, then used tator tots for the eyes and mouth.

Next he made Ernie: he removed the hot dog bun, ate about half the hot dog, added the oranges for ears, and made the tator tot smile bigger.

Finally he ate all but one bite of his hot dog, put that in the center of his plate, and said “This is you, Mom; cuz you have a little nose.”

I’m flattered by the nose comment, but am wondering about the ears.

They seem awfully big, and kind of monkey-ish.

Do these earrings make my ears look big?

Between birthday parties and holidays we host a lot of parties each year! Over time we’ve discovered some quick and easy tips for hosting a fun party without going crazy or spending lots of money.

Even better, if you visit the page before December 31, 2010, you can enter a sweepstakes to win a $100 Visa gift card. Wouldn’t that be a great way to start planning a party?!

Enter now, and good luck!

Christmas and New Year’s Eve are coming – are you ready?

If you’re planning a party check out my Holiday Party Tips and Sweepstakes for hints on how to plan a stress-free party without breaking the bank. Plus you could win $100.00 from BlogHer!

Good luck!

Peanut likes loves yogurt, and shared some with Bear. Aka “Grrrr” in Peanut-ese.

Bear doesn’t like yogurt.

At least, that’s my guess from the expression on his face.

What do you think?

Don’t forget to enter the first-ever-in-my-whole-life sweepstakes, sponsored by BlogHer! All you need to do is leave a comment at the end of the sweepstakes post; how easy is that?

On December 31 I’ll use random.org to choose a winning comment, so don’t forget to enter!

Good luck!

Many people think that being happy is something they have no control over; it either either happens or it doesn’t, but that’ not true! Being happy is a decision we make, and people can actually learn how to be happy. Even if you’re not feeling happy, acting as though you are will eventually make you happy – the old “fake it until you make it” strategy.

Here are some suggestions on how to practice being happy- try some today and see what happens!
- Smile and say “hello” to a stranger.
- Take a weekend afternoon nap.
- Be brave enough to say “I’m sorry” – even if you were right.
- Be loving enough to say “I forgive you” – even if part of you doesn’t.
- Don’t interrupt.
- Smile and wave at children as you pass by.
- Leave everything a little better than you found it.
- Really listen to your children.
- Eat chocolate and don’t count the calories.
- Keep your promises.
- Do nice things anonymously.
- Be a good loser and a gracious winner.
- Remember other people’s birthdays – and send them a card.
- Refuse to gossip.
- Be generous.
- Never give up; miracles happen every day.
- Say please and thank you – a lot
- Let someone else go ahead of you in the check-out line.
- Sing in the shower – loudly and off-key.
- Let the other car have “your” parking space; the exercise will do you good.
- Do more than is expected.
- Be there when you’re needed.
- Thank a veteran or service member.
- Be kinder than necessary.
- Make a difference in someone’s life.

I wish you happiness every day,

Photo by Jude Doyland